There's Something Special Going On Here...

There's Something Special Going On Here...

In moments of anger, in moments of anxiety, in moments of sorrow, when utterly broken....

In moments of joy, in moments of laughter, in moments of hope beyond comprehension...

Regardless of where I'm at... a reminder of something bigger... a reminder of something better... a moment, a get away... a few minutes of peace.

The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

In the midst of the chaos. In the shadows of buildings that scrape the sky. Lost in the sea of faces. When I feel so little and everything seems so big....

I gaze in awe of lights so bright in the darkness and dig deep in my soul for a few minutes of quiet solitude...

Timelapse - The City Limits from Dominic on Vimeo.

FUNNY WHEN THINGS POP UP: THE TALE OF LESSONS LEARNED IN BELOVED CHICAGO.

FUNNY WHEN THINGS POP UP: THE TALE OF LESSONS LEARNED IN BELOVED CHICAGO.

It's funny... you never know exactly when, where, or how your experiences will pop up. You never really know just how deeply you were impacted and how much you learned from these summers... until something unexpected happened. And funny... how the lesson you learned comes from what culture would tell us is a very unlikely teacher.

Sitting in a job interview this morning with United/Continental Airlines for a Cargo Sales Agent position, the two men interviewing went to one of their final questions. "This company holds four main cornerstones. One of those cornerstone which we take VERY SERIOUSLY is the topic of respect. Tell us a time when you were disrespected or treated with a lack of respect, and how you responded."

Without hesitating... I let out a little chuckle. "This is going to sound crazy, but the first and biggest thing that comes to mind are my little seven year olds (referring primarily to Carl and Carlton, but really to all my kids of all ages at CCO) from my time in Chicago. I know I know, it sounds silly and even makes me laugh... learning about respect from a 7 year old..." (they both smiled and had a little laugh, sat back but certainly showed interest).

"You see..." (I started in), "Each week a new group would come in... with two adult leaders and a handful of high school kids to be there to work with these 30 kids" I tell them. "And each week, leaders would come in and try to demand respect. But you see... you can't DEMAND respect... not even with a 7 year old, not because you're an authority figure... you must EARN it, even with these kids."

"To earn respect... you have to give respect. You have to be humbled in realizing that even from a seven year old in a homeless shelter... you have something to learn, you are constantly a learner. These kids had far more experience and knowledge of the situations they were in and what they needed, than any of us did."

"I earned respect... I listened to them, I took their advise, I realized it was a give and take and the need to build relationship. I failed at times. It gets crazy trying to discipline 30 kids at once and constantly breaking up fights. But in those moments when I failed, even to a seven year old... you have to own up to your mistake and apologize."

"My kids, always got in fights, you had to teach them, while some people may tell you if you get hit you hit back, that's not how we're going to do it here, and work with them to find ways to stop..."

"I see it as the same with everyone... you can't DEMAND that respect, you have to earn it... through listening, through learning, and from showing it and sharing it to others.. to everyone.. even a seven year old."

Maybe it was bad to use my kids as an example of respect, of being disrespected, and handling it... and who knows if I'll get the job and if an answer like this may negatively impact it (I didn't word it as structured and eloquently during the interview, as I was nervous since I really wanted to get the job)... but regardless... I feel I did my kids justice, I feel I showed them due respect in recognizing the lessons I learned from them... yes, some rough seven year old living in a shelter in Chicago. (They ended up asking me to expand on the situation, a bit about the shelter and the kids I was working with and seemed interested in it... I talked about Chicago a fair amount). Such a great lesson, summed up in the short, upset words of my beloved kids (talking about one of the leaders); "Why I gotta respect him when he don't respect me...?" Want respect? Better be giving respect...

Funny... you never know just how deeply you are connected to and impacted by the city... and even from the seemingly most unexpected teachers.

"Follow Me"....

People always ask: "Are you willing to risk it all? Are you willing to give it all up for the one you love?" As I try my best to figure out this whole following Jesus thing, the question is the same. "Are you willing to risk it all? Are you willing to give it all up to serve and follow me?" Am I really willing to lose it all to follow Jesus and to serve His people in whatever way He calls me to?

There is no doubt in my mind that I think way too much. I read too much into every little detail. I over analyze. But through it all, there is no doubt that I know myself... I know my heart... and I know my motives. While I'm a dreamer who far too often locks himself in his mind, playing through the "if onlys" of life... I am very real and away of where I'm at and how I'm feeling. I often find new revelations, seeing the intricacies of my heart. Today, another such revelation came.

Radical. A term that often is met with negative connotations. Yet, a term that can be redeemed. As we look at many of the social movements throughout history, those who carry them would be deemed "radical." Jesus was radical. He took the systems and shook them, flipping them on their head. And His call... is radical. "Drop everything, and follow me." Christ calls us to let go of it all, be willing to give it ALL up to follow Him.

Now I don't believe He calls us to follow Him into a strict religion, with tight laws and rules that chokes out our ability to love and freely follow as He calls us. I think He calls us to love Him unconditionally and love His people, ALL people, unconditionally. To be humbled, to learn, to realize we do not have it all together. He calls us to brokeness, and in our broken state to fight alongside the marginalized and oppressed. To fight for social justice. Not to do little service trips here and there, but to LIVE EVERYDAY fighting for the good of others rather than our own. After all, we are only human through each other. We are all linked. The only way to have peace, is to remember that we belong to one another.

I have long thought about this radical idea. Give it all up! I can do that. I don't need fortunes. I don't need cars, money, houses. I don't need a glorified job. I can live paycheck to paycheck. But this is not all He calls us to. He truly calls us to be willing to lose EVERYTHING. He tells us to let go of family, to put Him above friends, to take NO SECURITY in ANYTHING that is not Him. While I am often honest with myself... this one is hard for me.

Over the years... I have lost a lot. And the things I have lost have of course been the things I least would want to give up. It has not been money, it has not been my home. It has not been material things. Instead, I lost a best friend. Instead, I lost baseball, the thing I turned to in times of need when I needed to get away, the thing that stirred a deep passion and that was my path to so many other things. Instead, I lost the stability of my parents marriage. Instead, I have seen my closest group of friends slowly grow apart. Though we are still there and talk occasionally, we are not the support and strength for each other we once were. Instead, I lost my dog, the one I could always rely on to listen to and be around if I needed it.

Over the past few years, I have bounced from city to city, job to job, close community to close community. I have experienced loss, and seen the same in so many lives. While it has pushed me, made me grow, and helped me be the man I am today...it has left deep wounds and ugly scars lingering below the surface. For you see, now when people ask if I'm willing to lose it all... to TRULY LOSE IT ALL.... I don't know that I can say yes...

Deep in me there is a fear. I cannot let go... for I fear that if I let go... it will slip away never to come back. As I begin to care for people, I become attached. I begin to read too deeply into things, and for fear of losing someone I smother them. For fear of losing something, I cling to it. I pour and invest hoping somehow this will make it stick. In the end, i wonder if I drive things away. I try so hard to be constant, to be present in their lives... that it becomes to much. My focus moves from truly investing in and helping people... from fighting systems of injustice and being a (broken) pillar, there for people to come to. It shifts to clinginess, to holding too tightly for fear of losing... for fear of being alone... for fear of being replaced and having no worth or purpose. Unhealthy... my worth and security are too deeply rapped up in people...in a person I'm scared to lose. I'm not scared to fail... I suppose I'm scared to be irrelevant. Not to the world, but to the people around me who I care so deeply for. I'm truly scared to give it all up... to pursue the greater good, to pursue that which I am called to.

So the question lingers. Am I willing to give it all up? Am I willing to lose it ALL? Am I willing to let go of friends even if they move on without me? Am I willing to let go of my reputation? Am I willing to let go of everything that provides any kind of consistency... and drift, wander after this Jesus who simply says "follow me?" Am I willing to walk alone in the darkness because He calls me to? Am I truly willing to be radical.....?

Fear grips me tightly... but that's where I'm working to be.